Of course things work out that for the one exam I care enough want to do well in, I cant keep my brain focused long enough to do a bit of study... So here I am on deviantart writing a journal instead of finding quotes from modern historians on the julio-claudians.

like any of it matters for me anyway... its not like I can get a UAI or ATAR or whatever and go to uni.

anywho I am in one of those moods, I'll blame it on the promise of a good storm that obviously exhausted itself before reaching here, which seems to happen far too often for my liking.

Actually it seems sometimes that just about everything in my life can be summed up with "promising of something that ends before you ever really appreciate it" /angst.

I hate that soon everything is going to fracture and change, already its starting to happen we are all starting to think about the future and consider the finer details.
Its scary, not that I havent said that enough times.

I also resent that I am expected to pick a good career. why do I have to have a good career that will earn me money, whats wrong with taking a risk for what is my passion.

and I hardly see how anyone but myself should make that descision

I dont want to be an IT worker all my life, sure its easy and I find it fun, but its not my passion.

and as much as I love art, I never want to do it as a job, or make it my living.

really although its pretty unrealistic I'd like to be an over qualified, sightly eccentric reclusive author who has travelled the world as a working archaeologist.
though I would just settle for eccentric teacher/lecturer.

in other news...
- 3 exams to go one tomorrow then nothing till november 11th.
- Pretty sure whatever sense I had left has abandoned me.
- developed a strange habit of taking naps in the afternoon.
- Got no money to my name after a mysterious drought of work.


I cant help but stopping and thinking how much has changed in a year, or for that matter the last two years. There are some things I really wished hadn't, but there alot of things I am glad have turned out the way they did. I am happy, and I am as content as someone at this stage in life can be.

Still can't help but consider somethings... Like what would things have been like if I had never left CCS its a pretty interesting train of thought, I cant say it would have been all bad, just slot lot of it would have been horrible, and obviously I cant say I would be as happy as I am now.
another thing I think about is if I knew everything that was going to happen at chec before it had happened what single thing would I change.
that I really don't know... I don't think I would change anything but its still interesting to think about...

Well I am going to go to bed now I think, thankfully I have an afternoon exam last second cramming FTW. -_-

also the Zombie apocalypse is coming ARE YOU READY FOR IT?
(new found paranoia yay)